Just my 2 cents here ,, have you read the book Passionate Marriage?? It is fabulous...

I had similiar issues to the ones you are feeling and this book helped me so very much.I also was worried it would not seem genuine or why now or even WORSE this Woman has lost her mind,, I bought the book before the bomb and as we have been reconciled for @ four months now,, I find myself reading the Highlighted parts every now and again. It helped me to be more comfortable with myself and then in turn you feel so much better when you are ML it feels more natural and not Rehearsed or like you are trying too hard.Or being fake. I also remember reading that God sees it is a blessing when you share yourself by ML with your H and really truly being intimate.( I am pretty sure I read this in this book)< and when I read that then it changed alot for me.I know maybe I sound like a commercial but the book was really life changing for me....

It really helped me to grow and just feel more beautiful in the bedroom,, ((((and Heaven knows my H had OW too,she was 11 years younger thanme and a size 0 and I am not so you get the picture ) and so I think it takes a lttle extra work to find our Beauty -----that we have inside-------- again. You are a beautiful , worthwhile Human Being and he is with you,,,,, work on finding the beauty you have in you and remembering how special you are !!!
.....there is after all only one you .

I think Grasshopper has this book too. Maybe you could ask him and see what he says about it.. just my two cents but I felt like I had to respond to you cause I have felt all the things you are feeling .....
You can do this honey,,,,
Take care and God bless...