I think a lot of my lack of initiating is based out of fear of rejection. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that OW is 10+ years younger than me and knowing my H he was probably really in love with her. That and the fact that he stayed out all night a lot in the beginning of the A makes me think they were "doing it" alot.
I do I compete with that? I fear that ML to me is stale and mechanical and H is doing it to appease me and can't wait to get it over with. It just hurts so much to feel that the man that I married, that was SO in love with me in the beginning has lost interest in me. It makes me feel so worthless.
I'm afraid that if I do the 180, dress the part, and try to seduce him that he will be thinking "WTH, why is she doing this now?" He won't see it as authentic but just a way to hang on to him.
