hmm.. just some more info on what led up to me taking Celexa. I was SO angry at my H. I couldnt let go of that anger to start creating positive interactions. He'd say it was like I was looking to argue every few weeks. I'd be sweet, loving and patient and then out of nowhere, like you, I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it NOW. Not that he wasn't hurting me, but it occurred to me that I did well some days and then other days, my anger came spewing out and any progress towards closeness was lost. We were separated, done, over. Then one night we went to my S6's book fair at school. H was being wonderful. So nice, helpful.. smiling and laughing. I started looking around and noticed all the "happy families" and got sad. I couldnt shake it. I wanted what they had, and well, it was my H's fault we didnt have it. I went home, called him and vented. Ended up sobbing for hours uncontrollably. I felt overwhelmed, and angry. The next day I had a similar thing happen at a soccer game. Not to that extreme, but I couldnt shake feeling down and upset. I thought I was coping fine, but I wasnt. Anyway, I went to the Dr. and told him. Said it was worse when I was PMS-ing. Less than a week after starting Celexa I could tell a major diff. I was able to let go of all that anger that piled up inside me. It doesnt come spilling out on everyone around me. I can control my emotional reactions now. Oh and.. interesting.. I've had to learn feelings over because now I respond reasonably. When I'm sad, I cry, whereas in the past I'd become mad at the person that made me sad and not acknowledge what I was feeling inside. It was kinda cool to be able to have PMS, lay on the couch, feel crappy and eat chocolate and not vent on my family. I even asked H "Is this how normal people act when they feel blue?" I wish I'd had known sooner that I could have help with this. I'm not an angry or hateful, controlling person at heart, yet at times I was mean, hateful and controlling. I knew it was wrong and just thought I must be a bad person who lacked compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Nope.. I'm a good person who has A LOT of stress in her life and need some help coping with that. I've probably had a small imbalance of seratonin for most of my life. I know I couldnt just will myself to not be overwhelmed at times. I wasnt the poster child for depression laying in bed crying at all.. but the meds have helped me be positive consistently and I need that help in order to piece.
