Knowing what you want is really important, and you touch on that here. I think it would be a good exercise for you to write a list of what you want out of your marriage. Just start without any rules and write down anything and everything that you want. Once you've got everything down, get a blank piece of paper and look at the list you made and write it as a personal statement, not what you want from your H, but what you personally want to feel, think, experience, etc. Once you understand what your real needs are, you can communicate this to him. Maybe even give him a list. The benefit of doing it this way is that you take responsibility for what you want, and he can take responsibility for delivering it without your expectations on how this is to be done. This will allow him to be creative and problem solve, rather than just do as you ask.
Remember, one of the DB premises is that you ask for what you want. WHAT you want, not HOW you want it. It's the expectations tied in with the hows that cause pain and dissatisfaction and prevent you from recognizing when you are actually getting what you want.
Last edited by MuddleThrough; 11/30/0605:16 PM.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
