Well my point about it feeling forced was mainly to show you that I'm getting 98% of what I want, up from, say, 20% earlier this year and probably almost nothing this summer, and even my feelings aren't what I expected, and things are actually going WELL.
Hey, when the wave comes, you just gotta ride it, whatever it is.
Change happens. Feelings change the most yet we always seem to think that however we feel right now is how we'll feel a year from now.
That ain't good, thinking that for us or for them. I've burned hotter than hades for my W from when we got engaged to, oh, about two weeks ago. Now I'm coasting, I'm pretty numb, but my attitude and behavior are right. Feelings can go all over the map.
We're human, we don't have to let fight or flight responses control our every decision.
And yes we're going to suffer occasionally. That's what's going on right now.
WAS have affairs because they think they know the future, think the M is over, and think you're the problem. Now, we may be part of the problem in our M's...in fact, we almost always are...but THEY are the problem in THEIR lives, and the more they go off and try to solve the problem just by either distancing themselves from us or finding the "magic person" who's going to make it all better, the worse they get.
All of a sudden, those great feelings in the beginning are doused by the cold water of reality from dealing with OP's who have some serious problems of their own.
So probably the person in the marriage with the most problems and least character cheats and gets involved with someone with a lot of problems and minimal character. And then, EUREKA!, nobody's happen.
Reckon why?
So they return to their lives and spouses. And there's a re-entry problem.
We want what they don't have to give (anyone, really), and they don't know what they want.
It's easier to give up.
Don't give up. Listen to Muddle. Hang tough! Get a life, really, and wait for the future to catch up to YOU.
Talking about feelings won't create em. Living well creates em. So go live as well as you can...and you know you can.
And to get you jumpstarted, esp. since we're staring at the weekend, let's all contemplate the humor of Muddle's parting thought:
Quote: If you were beating him off once, you will likely be again.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
