Well you said it's been a month since ML and that's not acceptable to you. If you don't mind my asking...how does that get initiated, who initiates, how complicated/difficult/tense is it leading up to that, how many times/week would you be interested, etc?

I would start with something that is more action and less talking, but I'm a guy so you'd expect me to say that, right? Here's what I'm getting at...

I just flat out told my wife that for me to be truly satisfied with the SL we're looking at 2-4 times/week. Now, truthfully, I'd be almost an every day kind of guy if she were interested, but with two kids, work schedules, and her rather LD, that ain't happening, I recognize that. But I told her that at least 2/3 of the time if she weren't motivated/attracted/passionate about me then it really wouldn't make me feel much better anyhow, and so we've gone from that into talking about what would really get us connected.

My wife says that's working. I just don't see it or feel it from her at all in terms of emotional closeness/affection/sex, but if I bring it up (rare these days) her line is always, "just keep doing what you're doing cause you're doing everything you can right now." Actually, I'm at the point of losing interest myself, but I keep doing it, just not with the same frequency and enthusiasm as before. Nobody can keep that level up forever, but I definitely got her attention and gave her a taste of how things can be. Now I'm actually detaching again without even trying to. It's kind of scary but liberating as well. I AM concerned I won't ever be as hot for her again, but I also think this may be a necessary phase in order for us to rediscover this together...but it's that not knowing about how things are going to turn out that's frustrating, but you've got to let that slide as much as possible right now.

Sometimes if you can give yourself 6 weeks to just let things lay low (it seems like forever, but it's not, especially if it works) then reevaluate then and look for progress (which you can't see from day to day, but week to week/month to month it becomes more visible).

I hope that makes sense. I'd avoid worrying about the what happens when the kids leave stuff, because when you talk to a WAS who's not completely happy in the here and now about the future, all they do is project how they feel about things now ten years down the road (just like you're doing), except they may not be as motivated as you/we are, so they look at that and go, "Yikes!"

I don't know your H but what would happen if you sat down with him to talk about, say, finances and made some overt sexual gestures while keeping the convo on something else. You know, make yourself available but don't let him see your feelings are hurt if he doesn't respond right away, or the first few times?

My point is, he'll see you in sexual terms and see how much you're interested but he'll also know he's not giving it to you so it might make him start wondering...hmmm...if she's THAT interested it's only a matter of time before someone else takes her up on that.

That doesn't mean I think you should specifically dangle that spectre before him...my guess is he'll make the connection himself.

Anyhow, that's the view from my little world.


You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'