Quote: Do I just throw myself at him and repress my fear of rejection?
Mama, it seems to me that there is something wonderful between throwing yourself at him and just waiting for something to happen.
What's between them is confident, direct expression of what YOU want.
Here's the thing. Before all this, my W would NEVER talk about sex or what she wanted. Even now she has a hard time...right up until she doesn't. Sure, I initiate much of the time still, but she sure as hell isn't shy about telling be what she likes, what she wants and just "talking" in general, and it's sexy as hell.
You don't have to throw yourself at him but what about just walking up to him some evening and saying "Honey, the kids are in bed and I would really like you to..."
I know we keep coming back to PM but I really have to think that your sitch is right up that book's alley. I don't mean you should go back and read it, but one of it's main ideas, the one about learning to express YOUR desires and not depend on a reflected view of yourself is key here. Sure, you may say "Honey, I would love to ---- you right now, right here and to start I would like you to..." and he may yawn and say "I'm too tired, maybe tomorrow" but so freaking what. So say, ok, fine and walk away, towards the bedroom taking your clothes off along the way. If you need to, be your own best friend if you know what I mean.
What I am getting at is that it makes a WORLD of difference in my R that we BOTH know the other is "sexual" sometimes. I NEVER thought my W liked sex very much other than it was a way to connect. Now that I have learned to express my desires (not just that I am horney) for her, and have learned to talk in a language she understands (i.e. she REALLY likes me to talk to her about what I want) we both are more comfortable just expressing ourselves to the point where she KNOWS that even if I am for some reason not in the mood (I swear, it almost happened the other night) then she can just ask me to "do for her" and I will...and vice versa.
The spice in your love life will likely come from YOUR opening up to him and yes, emphatically, getting rid of that fear of rejection.
The point is to make your sexuality, your desire about MLing with him live on it's own merits, not just as a way to gauge his commitment to you.
