Quote: I know I am being selfish but it is so difficult for me. In my head I imagine that H and OW were doing it every chance they could get so why can't H and I be like that
Ok, first of all, this is in your head. Get out of there. It doesn't really matter what they did or didn't do all the time. Secondly (and no, this does not really go against "firstly") is it possible that he wants something out of your sex life that he isn't getting with you? I know you aren't supposed to think about "them" but I know in my case, I found out by reading between the lines, and being told directly, that the main thing she liked about OM was the passion he had for her. Then, looking back at "our" sexlife, I could see where it had become so stale and mechanical.
I never thought/think of it as a competition or anything, but knowing what my W wanted all along helped me figure out that I only needed to open up and express my own repressed feelings and all of a sudden...
I say this with the premise in mind that both your H and my W love/like us and either were attracted to, or are attracted to us. The reason I say that is because in my W's case the OM was, IMHO, much more of a typical "great looking stud man" than I am. If I thought she wanted something like him, I would wilt. What she wanted/wants is to FEEL something from me.
So, back to you Mama. Your H MAY want different things than you have had with him in the past. Maybe he feels uncomfortable talking about it with you. Hell, maybe it was just the excitement of the affair.
The bottom line here is that you MUST stop imagining what they did and start trying to figure out what YOU want to do. I wish I had the answer for you but I don't. I think you are chasing something that isn't real (having a sex life like him and OW) at the expense of figuring what IS real.
Oh, and don't write him letters about how disappointed you are. Just move on. Don't rely on him to make you happy...in ANY way right now. Like you said, you've expressed these things before and nothing.
Maybe the direct approach would work. Just tell him what you want, IN DETAIL (hint:Mommy might not use those terms but WIFEY does) and ask him what he wants. Then ask him to DO it with you.
