I'm very rushed for time, which means even less tact here (yipes) than usual... Anyway, a couple of thoughts.
(1) If you are suspicious, your suspicions are almost certainly right at this point in time. I know of NO case in which the spouse of a DBer broke off all contact with the OP the first time they said they would end things. I don't even think I can think of a case in which they did it the second time they said they would. If you don't believe me, consider that I told the same thing to GH. Lo and behold...
Basically, until you truly set and enforce a boundary here, you can expect continued contact for a good long while. If you really think something is going on, it almost certainly is. And, you can tell the difference between whether you really think something is going on or if you are merely feeling needy for reassurance.
Now, did you go back and tell H that you didn't mean it when you said it was OK for him to talk to OW? (BTW, this is about as far from setting a clear enforceable boundary as you can get )
(2) I agree with Betsy on pretty much everything, but especially this: don't go overboard for thanking H for doing grownup things that a father and a husband should be doing.
(3) My guess is that you not only feel distance, but that you are feeling MORE distance for some reason (perhaps because he has been in contact with OW.) Can you simply share this with him: "I feel some distance between us. I'm not sure what it is about, but it makes me sad."
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