Hi Betsey,
Sorry to be such a pain when you are so busy but I really value your words.

Quote:

Hmm, Mama. Are you saying that he usually initiates with the hug and peck?



No, I go to him. He usually turns his cheek to me because I wear lipgloss and he doesn't want it to get on his lips. Should I not put it on until I get in the car? I will try this tonight and try to give him a passionate kiss on the lips before I leave so he has something to think about while I'm gone.

Quote:

What will he be doing specifically when you feel he loves you and has recommitted to the M?




I don't see him when he leaves for work but I am usually here when he gets home. I would like it if he asked me about my day and came to me and gave me a hug and/or a kiss hello.

When we are watching TV together, I would like to feel invited to sit close and snuggle with him.

When we take walks I would like for him to reach out and hold my hand.

Quote:

What specifically are you doing to speak his LL? Remember, good begets good and bad begets bad. So if you're wanting something from him that you're not giving, your expectations are off kilter.




See above. Maybe I need to take the risk and initiate all that I want from him. Maybe he feels as I do and is afraid to reach out.

Quote:

So, if you want affection, what are you doing to set the climate so that it's possible? What are you doing and saying to make this a viable option? And what are you doing/saying to let HIM know that you love HIM and are committed to the M?




I have really been thinking before speaking and have been working on being direct. I am speaking to him as my H, not in the "motherly" tones that I used to. I have been letting him know how much I appreciate all he has been doing with the kids and the house since I have been working so much lately. I feel quilty that he works hard all day and then has to come home and deal with homework, dinner, bedtime, trick or treat all on his own. He did tell me that yes, it is hard but that I am doing the same by taking care of everything during the day and then going to work at night. He is concerned that I am working too many hours.

Quote:

If you're going to make this work, you're going to have to work much harder at your patience in the process



Betsey, I will tell you and everyone else this is where I suck . I like everything now, instant gratification. Lately, I have learned that this is selfish behavior and I will appreciate things much more after "waiting" for it.

Quote:

The ones here who have successfully Pieced have been the ones who have been solution and goal oriented rather than ruled by impatience and emotion.




I am going to have to read this over and over. I realize I cannot just sit back and wait for things to happen. If I want it I must go out and get it.

All my responses to you could be totally off but I think I understand what you are saying. I feel distance from my H but if I look at the big picture, maybe he feels uncomfortable around me. Once he feels safer with me he may become more affectionate. He probably feels like he is under a microscope and any "wrong" he does I will jump on him like a mountain lion. This is a dynamic that I am tring to change.

Thanks, I welcome your feedback. Or anyone else's for that matter.