And here I thought I was the only one who had been lucky enough to get to deal with MLC with two different Women.............. ExW - still lost in la la land, W - who has returned from the land of the lost and we are living a good life now.
ExW had an MLC PA, that was a deal breaker for me - she had her b/f in the house with our 3 D's when I was at work. I gave exW her choice - move out now or get her stuff out of the front yard after I had run the sprinklers in the morning.........all she wanted in the D was her inheritance (her wonderful savior was going to start school out of state to be a motorcycle mechanic - his greatness was currently unemployed) - she gave me full custody of all 3 D’s (D21 – was 16 at the time – is not even my bio D).
From this thread – you’ve been getting good advice. Ask your L about you taking custody of D5 more because of different men spending the night at W’s place & if W can move out of the area if she wants to – or what you would have to do to stop that (it isn’t a given that a spouse or former spouse can just move at a whim and take the children with them). You may be better off with a legal separation NOW, to spell out issues and protect yourself.
I will tell you what others told you (regardless of what you did) at the start of this thread “stop worrying about what your MLC W thinks” because right now – it’s not that you are worth anything and that she “hopes” to come back someday, she’s in MLC and doing her best to destroy everything. You cannot truly pisss off someone who thinks you are lower then dirt. Will she bait you along? Yes. Is it in hopes of reconciling? No. Go back and read MLC for Dummies, she will string you along until she thinks she has found what she wants and you are no longer of use to her (no she wont remember most of this part when/if she wakes up).
No one knows if your W will wake up and come back – some do, some don’t. YOU need to live your life and do what is best for you and D5 – let W swing in the wind and give her as little head space as you can. Yes – go dim (you can’t really go dark because of D5), minimal contact – no dinners, no “family” things.
I know this sucks – but a big part of detachment (IMHO) is accept your reality and live as though it will not change. You are married, but living alone, Christmas will be you and D5 – no W because she choose that. Too many try to deal with their MLC’er by living as if they will be back – IMHO, big mistake – live as if it’s over (if you are married – no I don’t think you are free, more like married to someone in a comma) and this is YOUR new life.
My 3 years in Germany in the early 80's was wonderful - I hope to return there for a visit some day.
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
