Hello EM - Judging from your following comments, it looks like you checked out the legality of the situation ( ". . there is nothing I can do. I can yell, scream, standing on my head, or even tell her no sleep overs. But I have no legal ground. If she wants Om there he will be there. That is unfortunately one of the things I have absolutely no control over. Although I wish I did.") I agree with you that it s*cks and I wish there was something you could do to put an end to your child being exposed to the jerk your W is involved with. I don't want to get on my soap box but I find the "liberality" of the custody laws in some states to be truly bizarre at best. While the W is acting out you should be allowed by law to maintain custody, but as Dickens once remarked in one of his novels, "the law is an ass." You mentioned that this is is the third time your W has been married, so it appears that she is still unable for whatever reasons to cement a relationship and make a lasting commitment. Whatever your faults were in the M (we all have had them) it in no way justifies what you have been put through. Although your W may still be a fine person in many ways, she is a deeply flawed human being and you should not take the blame for what has happened. On the contrary, you have bent over backwards in a valiant effort to save the R and the M. You deserve better and I hope things start to turn around in your favor.
