I can only only say from my experience, and what I have observed.
I first received bomb # 1, “I feel numb”, “I just need some space”, “want to do my own thing” “Don’t love you as a wife should”. Then followed a year of Touch and Goes, her saying “she was trying to get that love back”. In that time, she said “everything was back to normal”.
This I now see as the denial stage.
A year later bomb # 2 – “ I want to separate”
This then started Replay with a vengence. This was when she would go out all the time, the constant spending on clothes and shoes, and the real coldness started. The communication turned to grunts, she could not share the same space (Cooties). And the hostility started.
What I realise now, is that whatever I would have said, done or changed, whilst she was in denial, would not have affected the outcome of this process.
I do not know if this helps, or where you think you are in this process, from a quick read of your thread, I think your wife was in the denial stage, with the touch and goes, therefore whatever you said or did would not have made a difference to the outcome.
Quote: So, I believe I was given this opportunity when WAW wanted to try again. But I have failed her tests (like flirting online, keeping contact w/Om...) miserably. And started arguing, yelling, pressuring again. Which was followed by 'I want you to move out again'.
This is not the stage to set boundries, it will just make them run faster and harder. And drive issues underground
Quote: I asked her why she is so cold now
I asked my wife why she could not speak to me like a human being – I was told “it is difficult”, WTF we have known each other 28 years!
I also approve the message by Ford
Quote: I'm thinking even though it's getting colder, maybe this is just a progression through the process.
It was told to me, and I have observed this on many threads, that the anger and hostility erupts as they pass from one stage into the next.
Quote: I'd try to not focus on her any more than needed
Absolutley, as Snodderly always says, let them twist in the wind.
Quote: try living like you're single. if you live by her reactions to things it's gunna drive you insane
We all over analyse our spouses reactions, and this only sucks us in, and exposes us to more hurt.
Quote: Is there any hope left? Has anybody recovered from ruining a second chance and was given a third?
There is always hope, but at this stage, let go and detatch.
