I had a good session w/C last Friday. Went through some of the things I had done in our M to ruin it. I know, it is said a lot here on this BB that MLC is NOT caused by what LBS do.
There is still so much I have to learn. And now I have to do it the hard way. C agreed that a lot of my behavior would force most W into a WAW. So perhaps mine is just a WAW and is looking for her options left, no MLC. But then she is showing all these MLC signs. Very confusing for me right now.
Anyway, I just saw a post from Simon earlier this year and have a question about it: Hope for couples in crisis
Dobson states in this regarding giving the WAS freedom:
Slowly, unbelievably, the trapped spouse witnesses the cage door vibrate just a bit, and then start to rise. He can’t believe it. This person to whom he has felt bound hand and foot for years has now set him free! It isn’t necessary to fight off her advances — her grasping hands — any more.
“But there must be a catch,” he thinks. “It’s too good to be true. Talk is cheap. This is just another trick to win me back. In a week or two she’ll be crying on the phone again, begging me to come home. She’s really weak, you know, and she’ll crack under pressure.”
It is my strongest recommendation that you, the rejected person, prove your partner wrong in this expectation. Let him marvel at your self-control in coming weeks. Only the passage of time will convince him that you are serious — that he is actually free. He may even test you during this period by expressions of great hostility or insult, or by flirtation with others. But one thing is certain: He will be watching for signs of weakness or strength. The vestiges of respect hang in the balance.
So, I believe I was given this opportunity when WAW wanted to try again. But I have failed her tests (like flirting online, keeping contact w/Om...) miserably. And started arguing, yelling, pressuring again. Which was followed by 'I want you to move out again'.
Since I moved out the sitch started to get worse. She became colder and colder every day.
Is there any hope left? Has anybody recovered from ruining a second chance and was given a third?
