"OR talks should not be avoided but actually encouraged, but with ground rules established first to minimize the risk of them turning bad."
I VERY much agree!
I think that setting a time limit is a very important ground rule.
It's pretty easy to let the flood gates open up when get on a roll, which can sometimes do more harm than good.
At least try to make an agreement that either of you can take a "time-out" when it starts to get too uncomfortable. And just talking about it "later" don't work too well either. "Later" rarely arrives. Ten minutes, two hours, or whatever works for the both of you.
JJ
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