I am feeling a little down and insecure today. Just my own emotional backlash from dealing with my wifes pain the other day.
My stomache and head hurt and the brain is running a muck replaying my mifes words about how we should have separated and how could she ever trust me.
My hiding this site triggered painfull feeling of mistrust and betrayal in my wife. I am sure it brought her back so that she was reliving the feeling sthat she felt when I told her about my affair 10 years ago.
So I guess its my turn to relive my feeling's of pain that I felt when my wife wanted to divorce me.
This is a very painfull cycle to have to relive for both of us.
This is a good lesson for me about my need to be transparant with my wife. It also teaches me empathy for how she must feel when her own painfull memories are triggered.
A basic tenant of DBing is not to have relationship talks and I have been good about doing that. The thing is I have never initiated relationship talks. My wife always has initiated the talks, usually when she is at her witts end.
I have wished that she would come to me and say I am unhappy about "????" can we talk about and work on ways to make it better. Instead she has griped about or critisised me on something. I would always just shut down. Then after not getting any results and coming to the end of herself she has felt the need to end our relationship.
So maybe its time for me to intiate relationship talks on a regular basis with my wife and make them marriage and friendship building events.
Well Nothing ventured nothing gained. All those hours in counseling and reading books on active listening are about to be put to the test.
Why is it that I feel like curling up in the fetal postition thinking about this. I could face a crazed gunman stop a charging bull, Climb a tall mountain. But initiating relatiosnship talk with my wife scares the hell out of me..... GO figure
