EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

You are a stronger woman than I am - but I have to ask..... is it disrespectful to you, that he wants her around still?

Oh yes... definitely, and I'm starting to see it more as I get stronger. I'm walking a fine line because he hasn't said he's commited to working on our M - he insists he's done nothing wrong with her since it's never gotten physical, and he is still really confused about our M in general. I have finally set up some boundaries in that the "3 of us" are not hanging out together and she's not invited over for dinner (or at least he hasn't asked again after our last blow out... hopefully he finally got the message). But he hasn't gotten to a point of really saying "Yes, I'm working on our M" - and until he gets there I have to be careful. I need to make him WANT to fully commit to being with me and working on our M before I can push the issue too much. Right now, he has no plans to cut off the "friendship" and he seems very depressed anytime he even considers it might be necessary. In his mind I think we were all going to become friends and be one big happy family. I tried... but sorry, just not going to happen.

That journal and card you left your H sound really neat - I'm glad he seemed to like them. I may consider something like that for my H too. Maybe I'll ask the counselor if it's a good idea or if she thinks it will pressure him too much. I think he really is feeling low and unlovable right now and it might be good for him to see on paper all the things I DO love about him. And that way there'd be no pressure to say it back.