EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

Hi Julie - I realized I have DB not DR and didn't see it in DB - so I will have to drop by the library or bookstore and see if I can find it in DR. Thanks for sharing your experience too!

I may use this opportunity to try and "fix" our Friday night this week actually. The last several weeks H and I have planned a "Date Night" together on Friday - the goal being to spend some alone time together doing something FUN and not focusing on any of this stuff. Unfortunately it seems to be backfiring - every Friday I get home excited to go out, H gets home acting all depressed and dark, and we end up having the same ol' discussions. This started around the time he finally figured out I'm never going to be "friends" with OW and told him that she's not invited on our dates (if he wants to cancel fine, or if he wants to plan a group outing instead that's fine, but the "3 of us" is not OK anymore). I think it's either somehow a way of "punishing" me, or he's honestly that depressed about not going out with her. I dunno. I guess in some ways that's putting pressure on him which is kind of "un-DB," but I had to put up SOME kind of boundaries because I just couldn't take it anymore.

Anyway... this Friday, I've decided if he comes home and gets in 'that' mood I'm giving him a choice. I'm going out and doing something fun - if he wants to come, great, if not, seeya later. If he decides to go it'll probably be dinner and a movie or something, but if he decides not to I'll hit the bookstore for a coffee and find the DR book!

Of course, me going out separately opens the door for him to go to EA/OW's... <sigh>... and it's why I haven't done it before. But I'm starting to feel like that's better than us spending another night dwelling on the same issues with no changes.