Sorry that telling your mom hasn't resulted in the support you needed. I know what you mean. My mom means well, but occassionally she likes to turn sitches back to her (not D or anything, just in general) and sometimes she says the most unhelpful things. Just remember that her main hangup right now is loyalty to you and she isn't realizing that she isn't acting in your best interests. Let her know that she isn't being helpful and you prefer to approach the sitch differently than she suggests. Reread the section in DR about unhelpful relatives for additional advice. Sometimes we just have to get things off our chests. I have a BIL who is so mad at my H. It's been almost 2 months and he has managed to avoid my H so far. We do a dessert bar for t-day and invite both sides of the fam over and I really think BIL is going to skip this year b/c of H. Sad, but he needs his time to process and heal as well. And I guarantee that if H and I stay together, sis and BIL will need to get counseling to work past this betrayal. They are fiercely loyal to me and are afraid to do/feel anything that is seen to them as disloyal. It's all about love.
I know you were just venting. Just wanted to say that I can emphasize. The important thing is to continue your plans w/ H for t-day. Julie
