I look at it this way..we are human and humans make mistakes. The thing is that we should accept responsibility for what we do and try really hard not to make the same mistake again. You can't continue to "beat yourself up" over your mistakes and people shouldn't continue to "throw your mistakes in your face". I made it a point to never bring the infidelity upm whenever we do have a disagreement. Even when the pain was new and extremely bad,to use that in a disagreement would have served no purpose.
My H sometimes thinks about things differently from a lot of men. I sometimes wish I could "get inside his head" and see what he is really thinking !! He tired to "explain" why he cheated but then said that there is really no excuse for cheating! He did try and explain what he was feeling at the time and that was a big step for him because he has always had a hard time talking about his feelings. He is also the kind of man that has the ability to put things away and never talk about them again. He says that you can't "forget" things unless you stop talking and thinking about them. While that may be true for him,I have found that it helps me to talk about what happened. And in some strange way that helps the pain to lessen more and more. He did discuss it whenever I felt the need even though I knew he didn't really want to. Now I really don't feel the need to discuss it with him . I feel I have all the answers I really need. Now I hope that by talking to others and discussing things that maybe it will help someone else going through the same thing. All I know is that it also helps me.
Eric,you sound like a guy who really loves his W and is very thankful that he has her in his life. She sounds like she really loves you. I don't think that when someone cheats it means they love their partner any less. I know that there are people out there who continually cheat and in my opinion they don't know what true love and commitment really is. I know that there are a lot of people who just can't forgive infidelity and there are those who will be bitter for a long time. I wish that everyone who goes through this could have a happy ending but the reality is that everyone is different and everyone has to deal with their problems their own way.
So "HANG IN THERE"...don't worry about your past mistakes,just don't repeat them!! And don't dwell on them either! You can't live in the past...life's too short!! I am rooting for you and your W..you are heading in the right direction..keep it up!!
!! He tired to "explain" why he cheated but then said that there is really no excuse for cheating! He did try and explain what he was feeling at the time and that was a big step for him because he has always had a hard time talking about his feelings. He is also the kind of man that has the ability to put things away and never talk about them again. He says that you can't "forget" things unless you stop talking and thinking about them. While that may be true for him,I have found that it helps me to talk about what happened. And in some strange way that helps the pain to lessen more and more. He did discuss it whenever I felt the need even though I knew he didn't really want to. Now I really don't feel the need to discuss it with him . I feel I have all the answers I really need. Now I hope that by talking to others and discussing things that maybe it will help someone else going through the same thing. All I know is that it also helps me.
