EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

Thanks all so much for your replies. The support means SO MUCH to me.

Once – hope your week is going OK. Thanks for all your thoughts!! I will be doing the same back-and-forth posting/reading thing so my reply may be a bit disjointed too.

The MLC – yeah, I am very nervous about the anger. He’s snapped at me a few times but I don’t see that underlying, nonstop anger. I know exactly what it looks like because I saw it with my dad when I was a kid, but I haven’t seen it yet. It almost seems like he’s harboring this deep seated anger at himself rather than anyone else, at this point. I’m not sure if that’s an MLC “thing” or not. I agree he’s moving towards some kind of crisis. Half of me wants all the good time I can get before then, and half of me wishes whatever “it” is would just happen already so we can start moving on. Not that I can control either one… I guess I need to really learn to understand that. You’re so right about helping him as if he was ill with something like a fever – I just wish I knew HOW to help him. It’s a weird situation when what “seems” right is wrong and vice versa.

Thank you for the egg idea – that’s a good one! I forgot that in college I used to live on hard boiled eggs. I do like them and you’re right, they stay down pretty well. And as an added bonus they’re protein. I can also stomach cottage cheese usually, and today I kept enough food down to also take my vitamins – small victories, right?? I am still making dinner for H and I every night – if he shows up great, if not I try to eat it for lunch the next day. It’s just something that I feel I need to do right now, but I’m giving myself permission to do the “eggs and veggie” dinner if that’s what I feel like doing.

I’m with you on having a hard time thinking for myself too. I keep trying to remember it’s only been 6 weeks or so and allow myself time to “get” this stuff.

About being alone – I hadn’t even thought of it that way but you’re so right!! If he’s so unafraid of being alone why did he find the OW FIRST? I’m doing the same thing as you Once – trying to show that I can make it on my own, at least as much as I actually can. He’s funny about it – seems to resist a lot of times when I do “his” tasks. Maybe he's afraid I'll stop doing his laundry.