EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

Hi Once,

Thanks for the note! I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm hoping for the best but trying hard to mentally prepare myself for the worst. I don't know how successful I've been so far but I'm feeling stronger every day. I must be looking more confident these days - tonight I treated myself to a Friday Starbucks, and when I got up to the drive through to pay, I found out the guy in front of me had already bought it for me!! That has NEVER happened to me. He left through a different exit than I did but I saw him later in traffic and thanked him, and he flashed me that "hey baby" look that I haven't seen since I was in college! Nothing else, didn't even ask for a number, he just waved and drove off - but man what an ego boost.

Anyway.... as far as H goes... I'm in a weird spot because by the time I knew anything was wrong, I think H was halfway out the door. As much as I want to insist that he quit spending so much time with OW, part of me realizes I'm lucky to have this chance to DB and go to MC at all. Thank you for confidence that I'm not wrong and it's inappropriate though. I feel it in my gut, but it helps to hear it from someone else too. If I find out something physical IS going on things will be changing a whole lot... the EA will be hard to recover from but I do see my role in leading up to it. If he's lying to me about it going any further that's a whole nother massive layer of trust gone though.

The leftovers were a joke from Stilltryin - for all I care, OW can eat her cereal on Thanksgivng!! I had a dream last night that she showed up uninvited and I totally flipped out. Here's hoping it was ONLY a dream.

Today I couldn't help myself - H mentioned again that she "had nowhere to go." I sympathized and said that was too bad, but he kept talking about it in spite of my efforts to change the subject. I finally said "What about S's" (her H). Apparently, he already said no. So I said "Oh, well what about her boyfriend M?" - H said sheepishly "Well, his wife probably wouldn't like that." "Hm...well what about her roommate, G? They act like they're a couple anyway" - H again sheepishly says "I guess his girlfriend said no."

I finished with "Well, that really sucks for her" but in my mind I'm thinking...HEY honey, noticing a TREND here???? Sheesh.