EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

Astimegoes on - thanks! Yes, I was actually kind of surprised that H's feeling seemed hurt on the couches. I guess we're both learning a little more about each other, these days!

Julie - thanks for the advice. It is so frustrating trying to find a counselor, but hopefully one will work out today. A lot of them wouldn't do a phone "screening" with me - they wanted us to come in for a first session and then would give us the choice to come back or not and wouldn't answer even basic questions via phone...grr. Knowing what a fragile state H is in right now, if we go 1 or 2 "screenings" and he doesn't like them, I don't think he'll keep going back. At least some of them pretty much self-screen. One actually answered the phone with "Divorce Counseling Services, how can I help you?" (I actually found that greeting oddly funny... weird sense of humor these days!). I sent a referral request from the DB home page and they recommended someone local, so if I can't find anything that's paid for via insurance we'll go that route. It's a little surprising to me - her name sounded familiar and I realized it's because she's fairly well known in our community as a lesbian rights activist. She also does a lot of "How to find the right man when you're dating in your 30's" type seminars for women. I dunno, didn't really seem like someone you'd normally see for marriage counseling?? But the DB person who emailed me recommended her highly.

I've been trying to think who else I can ask for referals but I don't like my current doc very much, and I'm not real comfortable asking around at work. We have a friend who's a drug/alchol counselor who could probably recommend someone, but H is very against me talking to her about it so I won't. If you ask most of our friends we're the happiest couple around...<sigh>. Guess I should be glad he's trying to keep that image going, though.