Stilltryin, I honestly don't think your letters to your H were unDB. If this was part of a thought out strategy then it certainly is DBing. What isn't DBing is crying, begging, blaming etc. To write a letter containing any of that kind of stuff is completely unDB! To write something outlining where you stand, what you feel, and where you want to go is just providing your H with a clearheaded plan of where you want your life to go. He can be part of it or not. I did the same thing with my W. I still feel proud of what I wrote and felt that now I had said everything that needed to be said. I was then able to put it to rest therefore there was no crying, pleading etc. I never wanted to think "Oh, if I had only said...." I said it, end of story. My W keeps the letter and even has the big bow I put on it, she has it taped to her dresser alongside all my Valentine and Anniversary cards to her! Go figure? It didn't change my sitch but it sure didn't hurt it. You got a positive result so you must indeed know your H and what would work for him. DBing is trying something, if it doesn't work you try something else. You can now tape back together your DB membership card, you're still in the club (or maybe I'm out now too!)
(or maybe I'm out now too!) 
