Hey, glad to hear you found this site, it is definitely a life saver.
I want to share my HO about you letting OW and H out alone or all three of you. DBing also includes setting boundaries. I do believe that your H should not be going out with OW or any women for that matter. They apparently have lots of time to converse at work- and that's where it should stop.
The whole problem is, how to address the situation. Perhaps becoming the most exciting you can be by GALing will help him want to spend more time with you and less of her.
I'm curious what you meant by the suggestive request you left over the phone, and he came home wanting to snuggle with you. That apparently worked! What were you asking him to do or not do? Maybe you can use that in regards to him spending time alone with OW.
If you hadn't mentioned that H has said he wants OW to get back with her H, I would have told you that he has to already be in a somewhat intimate relationship with her, or will be soon.
The thing is, you can't believe everything they say. So all those things he said about never doing anything with her, because the sister thing, mustache, whatever, that's a bunch of bull. (in my opinion) So just be on your guard. I'm telling you this because my H lied to me, first saying there was no-one and then saying only a friend, then only kissed once, then had sex-which he couldn't even tell me that, I just figured it out and he didn't deny it.
So, I'm telling you this because I don't want you to be thinking it won't ever happen, because if it does, it will hit you so hard that DBing isn't an option for you. I was in depression for 2 weeks and couldn't hardly get out of bed. But fortunately for you, you are already here, and hopefully you are at the beginning and not in the middle.
I agree that loosing weight, although may seem vain, is a wonderful idea. Just make sure your still eating, don't starve yourself, but most of all, get out there an DO something- excerise, ride bikes, swim, dance, whatever is fun for you. You will feel so much better, and so much better about yourself, which will then help your self asteem and your confidence and your H will definitely notice!
I may not have been overweight, but I have back problems, and I needed to lose maybe 10 lbs... well, that was easy, during my 2 week depression! Don't advise for anyone to try at home! But then afterwards, I saw myself and thought, hey, not too bad, and then I started GALing and getting fit was one of those things. My H did take notice too.
Also, take this time to really reflect on what you may have done in the M that caused him to react how he is, even if he is worse, the change needs to start somewhere, and it sounds like your going on the right track.
CONFIDENCE CONFIDENCE CONFIDENCE!!!! I can't stress enough. That is what men like. Confidence: feeling good about yourself inside and out, showing in your walk, your talk, your behavior with others. And initiating sex is big! Men equivilate love to sex. Did I say that right? So when they receive sex, they feel loved. And they also feel loved by being respected.
A great book to read to understand men better is FOR WOMEN ONLY by Shaunti Feldham. IT IS AWESOME!!!!! you have to read it.
Anyways, sorry for talking your head off! I'll check back with you later.
God Bless You!
Roman 8:28 "An we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
