EA, being "friends" with OW, and Boundaries

[NikB]

First I wanted to apologize for all my typos in the first post! Sheesh, I am usually a lot better about checking for that type of thing and it's too late to edit.

And Once - thank you so much for your very encouraging post. I'm so sorry that things didn't work out better in your situation so far, but I hope that things will continue to improve for you. I bet it's nice to be the young thing one! It's good to hear that looking back you wanted to fight harder - it will give me strength on those days when I want to give up (or throw up).

I'm trying to take it day by day and have found that if I can at least go a day or two without being pressured to be "friends" with OW it helps my frame of mind tremendously. Without getting TOO detailed last night I called H on his way home and left a suggestive but non-pressured message... and it worked! Instead of coming home and telling me all about the details of his day with OW (they work together), he came home and was all about spending time with me. He even asked me to quit doing dishes so we could snuggle on the couch, then got up and did the dishes this morning. Woah! He almost never helps with dishes, laundry, or other "inside" chores, so I am psyched today. Although we're having dinner with OW and her new roomie tonight. blech.

I absolutely need to take better care of myself physically, so I am doing that now too. I need to lose probably 40 lbs and I really need to get stronger ANYWAY so I might's well do it now, right? I've lost about 8 lbs already - H has really noticed my efforts and he's been home a lot more, so that's been good. I feel much better too. Sounds like that's the case for you as well. I hope your H notices and comes back, if that's what you want, or that he's really missing what he had.

It's so strange - H spends a LOT of time trying to reassure me that it wouldn't ever get physical. He says things like "I think of her like my sister so I'd never touch her", "Have you ever noticed she has a mustache and it would be "gross" to kiss a girl with a mustache" (that one really made me say "HUH??"), or my favorite, "She has a boyfriend so of course she wouldn't cheat on the boyfriend" (even though she cheated on her husband, and did I mention the "boyfriend" is also married?). It's so confusing.

OW is actually separated from her H right now but he wants her back in spite of the affair. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if he's on here - a lot of his actions remind me of the DB suggestions. And funny enough, H is trying to convince her to go back to him. He was all happy the other day because he noticed she was wearing her wedding ring again, and he thinks that's the best thing for her.

Anyway... I am completely rambling now... but thanks for listening and sharing!