NikkiB, I'm sorry that you are here, but, wanted to respond, so you didn't feel alone. You are at the in the right spot, and at the right time. I was in a very similar situation, H had the few great friends, I had the weight issue, no friends, I was unfit, couldn't hike/ski, etc. I didn't find this site till I found evidence of OW. First, she went hiking/akiing/etc with other guys and H. Then, other guys couldn't go, and before long, H asked if I'd mind if he went with just OW...as all others had backed out. I did mind. I went skiing, when I didn't want to. .. the three of us, very cozy. It was awful. Like I was being made to take part in their game. we fought. Next time, he didn't tell me he'd gone with just OW til afterwards. From then on, he just lied about it. Then they started the games... OW and her H, inviting my H and me, out for dinner, as a 'thank you' for my H babysiting their dog, while they went on vacation. I tried to belive him when he said they were just friends. but, eventually, it turned into PA. Her H felt the same anst as me, but we had never discussed it with each other. OW was lieing to her H, my H was lieing to me.
I don't mean to scare you, and I truly hope for your sake, that it hasn't gone that far. My advice... go do whatever you possibly can with him, if he asks. The funny thing is now, I weigh less, and I do hike, climb, and lots of other activites he wanted me to do.... but he's no longer here. He's living with OW. Had I seriously tried, 3 years ago, we might be in a different spot today. ... maybe not, but maybe. I'll never know. You will find a lot of wise advice here. My biggest mistake, was once I found out, I told OW's H. That forced him to divorce her. THen OW was free to pursue H. She called my H once she moved out of her marital home, and my H left me. I told her H, AND, for many months after the PA 's discovery, when my H was here,'trying', OW's H would call me to find out if I knew where 'they' were the day before... which of course upset me, and lead me to question him. As it turns out, I don't think he was with her during that period.... and my constant distrust, helped push him to her. So, stay calm, read lots of other posts, listen to lots of great advice from the generous posters. And by all means, take good care of yourself. Loose some of that weight.. now. Try for 5 lbs. Even 5 lbs, made it so I woulnd't be out of breath climbing the stairs. Trust me, you'll loose more if he does get OW, or if he leaves. Might as well start now. I wish I had. Again, it didn't help, but, I feel much better about it today, when I look at OW , who has gained a lot of weight, and now I look like the thin, young one!! ... nope, I'm still not thin, but, thinner. I believe H will notice it some day too. Be kind and soft with your H, don't be mean, crying and demanding answers, (like I was). He only used it as an excuse to leave. Don't give him a reason to use against you. I did it all wrong... you have a chance to do it right. I don't come here often now, because I'm trying to make like I have a life... incase H doesn't come home. But, others will definately help you. And, they are so much wiser than me. For now, try getting good nights sleep, and taking your vitamins. You don't want to get worn down and sick, cause you'l look like crap.... and you want to look your best, and be able to deal with all this. Take care of yourself, treat yourself kindly. It's not you. None of us are perfect, but, we arent' the ones looking outside our marriage to fix our problems.
