It is okay to still love him. I still love my W. But detachment right now is the key. Your H needs help right now and you know this already. You are very intelligent and have developed a lot since you began here. It is okay to move on - but move on for you! On your other thread, you laid out some boundaries - these were good. But your H has a lot of issues - he hit you, has OW, got OW pregnant, can't make up his mind.... He is simply not in a good place right now and he must seek help. Until them you should (and I think you really do) consider him completely off limits.
It is okay to move on for you and your little angels. My moving on and working on your happiness doesn't mean giving up on your M. You can simply stand for you M while working on you. But standing for your M doesn't involve allowing your H back into your life until he gets help. You would be doing yourself and your H a disservice if you did.
I also hate to say it, but your H needs to get help on his own. He has to want to change in order for real change to take place. Changing because someone else wants you too won't be permanent - it only works for a while. We LBSs are proof of this. I think there are times our WAS have asked us to to change this or that. Since we didn't initiate the change or really believe it was something we needed to change - we never made lasting change. It is only now under this extreme life changing event such as staring D in the face that we realize - not that we needed to change the way they wanted us - but rather that we change to be how we want and what gives us the most happiness.
I read somewhere that the idea of happiness can be misleading. It is not an instant thing - although it can be. But life happiness really comes from growth. When we grow as a person, we achieve a lot of personal gratification for this growth and hence happiness is born out of this. Continue to grow and blossom Emily. You have a lot of potential and are a strong wonderful woman. Use the talents God has given you and continue to grow.
It is okay to love your H. Just make sure you really continue to love yourself - because you have to live the rest of your life with you.
