I think I’ve made a breakthrough…at least in my head.
I ended up having a pretty good talk with H on the evening of my last post (he opened the door, and it was a mutual exchange). I think I’m starting to ‘get’ where he’s coming from, and have a clearer idea of things I need to work on—item # 1 is definitely getting rid of the emotional roller coaster—or at least getting it more under control. I’ve made a lot of progress already, and I think it’s unrealistic to expect it to completely go away, but I do see that it’s existence pushes him away.
H was out of town for our anniversary, but has planned a little trip for us this week, and I am looking forward to spending some relaxed time with him. No pressure.
I think my sitch is kind of in limbo now…not in crisis separation mode, but not quite to piecing yet. I’m glad to be progressing, just hope we won’t be stuck here forever. The real moving forward is up to H—he’s got some deep things to work through, and I suspect he doesn’t even realize they’re there. It’s much easier to pretend everything is fine than to look deep inside and face weaknesses and truths you don't want to acknowledge. I know, I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Regardless, all I can do is focus on ME, keep working on my personal progression, and enjoy the good things in my life to the fullest. All of them.
