I think I'm letting myself get down about our anniversary tomorrow. And H is out of town, so he hasn't been around to provide what assurance his presence does for me.
I know what you mean about your Anniversary. Ours was a month ago. Believe me, it will be easier to get through than you think. You may have a crying fit, but that is ok. Cry and get it over with. Then look to the future and picture what your next anniversary may be like, with or without H. Hopefully with H.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I think I’ve made a breakthrough…at least in my head.
I ended up having a pretty good talk with H on the evening of my last post (he opened the door, and it was a mutual exchange). I think I’m starting to ‘get’ where he’s coming from, and have a clearer idea of things I need to work on—item # 1 is definitely getting rid of the emotional roller coaster—or at least getting it more under control. I’ve made a lot of progress already, and I think it’s unrealistic to expect it to completely go away, but I do see that it’s existence pushes him away.
H was out of town for our anniversary, but has planned a little trip for us this week, and I am looking forward to spending some relaxed time with him. No pressure.
I think my sitch is kind of in limbo now…not in crisis separation mode, but not quite to piecing yet. I’m glad to be progressing, just hope we won’t be stuck here forever. The real moving forward is up to H—he’s got some deep things to work through, and I suspect he doesn’t even realize they’re there. It’s much easier to pretend everything is fine than to look deep inside and face weaknesses and truths you don't want to acknowledge. I know, I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Regardless, all I can do is focus on ME, keep working on my personal progression, and enjoy the good things in my life to the fullest. All of them.
you are right on the money, I also had (and occasionally have) a hard time getting off the emotional roller coaster. Just remember, not every thought/emotion that you feel/think is a valid one. Challenge your emotions/thoughts for veracity, specially if they are negative ones. My H keeps telling me "relax, relax RELAX"
Hope you have a great trip, how nice you get to celebrate your anniversary, isnt' that a step forward in itself?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Ben--THANKS for the reminder to keep expectations low...I'm on the trip now--turns out he brought me along on a quick work trip, but I AM SO GLAD HE DID. Nothing earth shaking, but nice anyway. And definitely a positive thing.
