Aud, I am glad to see that your sitch seems to be coming along. You are in my thoughts!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
H is out of town again, and I am doing okay. I have a situation developing, and want to get some fresh takes on it.
I have mentioned before that I feel like I have done most of the pursuing in this R. H might disagree—say that he is the one who is always coming over to the house—but true pursuing, asking for time together, trying to make a connection, touching, being open and honest about feelings…those things have always come from me. I have stopped (or at least slowed) these behaviors in the last while. Not sure if H has noticed…he is not really stepping up on efforts in these areas. Maybe he’s not ready yet, maybe they just don’t matter to him. But they matter a great deal to me. I realize that I need to be patient, take care of myself until he decides to really commit to this R. I fear that he thinks moving back in will be all that’s required of him…I want a lot more than to go back to the day-to-day-surface-only R we had before. But first things first…
Our tenth wedding anniversary is this week. To my knowledge, he is not planning on being home. I have made some plans for myself, and will be fine. I intend to say nothing to him unless/until he acknowledges the day. Trying to keep expectations low.
A friend of ours from another state invited H to fly out to attend a motocross event with him this weekend. H was wishy-washy about going. Friend called me yesterday to invite me out too (at H’s suggestion). It would not be easy to make the necessary arrangements, especially on short notice. When I spoke with H about it, he indicated that I would need to make my own travel arrangements, as he doesn’t know how he’s going to get there…so I wouldn’t even be traveling with him.
My feeling is that I need to stop moving heaven and earth to be available for H at all times. I am fighting off the hurt that comes from thinking about a) our anniversary, and b) H’s apparent ambivalence about this whole trip thing. I mean, if he wanted me to go, shouldn’t HE have asked me, and shouldn’t HE have made arrangements for us to do it together?
P.S. He has not called once today. And yet, I am FINE!
H did check in a few minutes ago, and spent some time helping me with a work project. So he gets a kudo. Wish everything else were fixed so easily...GAH.
Yea the dreams suck really really bad. Thank Gid that I have not had any in a while. There were several that I woke up to crying because they seemed so real.
You will be fine Aud. Just pick yourself up and forget about the dreams.
Sorry I do not have any better advice. I just basically wanted to tell you that I feel you pain.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Mine are the opposite. I keep having good dreams about H. One was her dumping him, one was him agreeing to continue counseling, one last night was of us..well you know. They have been this way for the past few weeks. I don't know if this is good or bad...
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
The good ones are hard to handle. They just make you want to get things on the ball now and that doesn't help with the patience part of it all.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
And yet, I am FINE!