Ack, now I’ve gone and riled myself up and I can’t go to sleep. I think I need to clarify a few things regarding my previous posts.
#1: H is making a lot of effort to step back into our R. I think that I am just frustrated that it is taking so long, and most of all, that I have no clue what is going on inside him. I want so much to stand by his side and help him. But I’m not invited to that pow-wow. I am doing my best to be patient—when I start to get impatient, he thinks that nothing he does matters. It does, it DOES. I’m grateful for every baby step. I just want everything fixed NOW in one giant super-human leap, thank you!
#2: I don’t think that his As happened because of me, or as a direct result of anything I did. This is all about what has been happening inside him. When we talked about it after the bomb, he indicated that he thinks he’s just a “screw-up”. I don’t think I drove him to it. I think he simply allowed himself to drift far enough away that it could happen. And then he let it. Multiple times.
#3: I am making a lot of effort to stop dwelling on all the hurts of the past. And I’m winning more battles than I’m losing. No more dragging them up. Here or anywhere.
