I have neglected to post an update on my sitch here, so here's what I wrote on NGU's thread:
****** Christmas was nice--MIL kicked H out for Christmas Eve, so he stayed the night at home with us. I had a hard time sleeping--I'm getting too used to not sharing my comfy bed. We had a lovely day starting in the morning with our little ones, then to my parents' home and then to his. At the end of the day, he gathered his gifts and hauled them back to his parents' home.
He has been busy this week preparing for a business trip beginning tomorrow. It's to a new place, so I'm not really worried about an OP.
I am being bombarded today with thoughts of the past and both OWs, but I'm REALLY trying hard to not let them bother me. I am getting to a place where I feel happy and confident most of the time. I like it MUCH better than before when I spent a lot of time dwelling on everything. Don't want to backslide on this one. I can literally see the difference in our interactions when I'm winning the thought war vs losing.
My main concern remains that I am unsure if he's really working on any of his issues. He seems fine around everyone, and tends to just "not think" about anything. I think he likes not having to be with us very often. Sigh. So here's my mantra to help me stay focused on the positives: I AM GRATEFUL FOR HIS LOVE. I truly believe that if I focus on that, more of the same will be added to it. ******
H did not come over last night--getting ready for his trip. Came over tonight five hours later than he said he would. He brought dinner and spent some time with me and the kids, helped me with a couple of honey-dos, then hung out in his office after the little people went to bed--updating software for me. Just gave me a kiss and walked out the door.
I know that I need to be grateful for what I have. I AM. I've been saying it over and over again to myself all day. But really, right now I just feel empty and rejected. Hoping that I am not being a blind fool. That I can trust my decision to fight for this. That someday he'll respect and appreciate me just a little.
