Gah. I know, I know. I'm several days into detaching and leaving it (and him) alone. And I am fully aware of whose fault this is. Thanks for the elbow in the ribs.
Anytime. Not trying to be a prick. You are doing fine and just need to keep focused on you and your wonderful kids. Give somthing that he will want to come back too.
Again sorry if I offended you by being so blunt earlier. Actually that was pretty light for me.
O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Um, no offense taken...I need that outside perspective for sure. And thanks for taking it easy on me.
Nothing new to report today. H came over last night, and was more engaged, which was very nice.
I'm just plugging along, trying to be as self-sufficient as possible. Ya'll would have been so proud to see me pull my bathroom sink drain apart to rescue my favorite necklace the other day. All by myself. And it even works just like before. (yay!)
It has been nearly six months since the bomb...three years into this journey. In stepping back and looking at it from my current perspective, time has flown, and I am a completely new person. At least in my own eyes. I feel free. I am my own woman, no longer defined by my relationship, career, family. Each of these things has given me wonderful experiences, lessons, joy, agony. But they are not who I am.
I am just me. I am beautiful and happy and peaceful. I am fun to be with, in a quiet kind of way. I am healthy. I am intelligent and perceptive. I am creative and elegant. I am soft spoken. I am driven. I am successful. I am confident and capable. I am grateful. I am sensual and loving and nurturing.
The last few weeks have proved a turning point in this process for me. I am improving my thought-control skills every day, choosing to direct my emotions in positive directions, keeping my expectations low, letting fear roll off my back and out of my line of sight.
Obviously, there is much to be resolved in my M. But the ball is in H's court now. No more pursuing. If H wants to be here, he'll be here. If not, there's nothing I can do about that. But I can choose whether to let it bother me or not. Therein lies my power. Bring on the new year.
You sound so strong. How did you get to this wonderful place? My H left 2 months ago and has OW. He says they are not sleeping together but wheter or not that's true or not they seem to have at least a emotional R. I am not in the dark whole I was 2 days ago so in some respects I am beginning to GAL. I am at least functioning without falling totally apart but I am so sad and sometimes and just can't seem to sleep. What has worked for you?
I'm so sorry you are in this mess...it seems so monumentally unfair to suffer so much because our S is stuck in selfish mode. Believe me, I've been on the same roller coaster. Still am, but I'm learning to manage the highs and lows in a way that makes me feel in control and happy.
Most of what I've learned is on this thread...as well as reading others. And it's taken some plain ole' time too. Everyone says, GAL, find ways to make yourself happy, etc. At first it seems like it's just all repetition, but when you truly take it into your heart and make an out-loud-to-yourself decision to do these things, it's amazing the freedom you can find in yourself.
When I start to think about H and his As, the countless nights I was home alone, exhausted after days with tiny children while he was out living his secret single life...or the fact that though things are better between us now, he is choosing to live with his parents, I stop my mind from going there. Sometimes I have to do it out loud, most of the time, I just focus in on affirming thoughts that make be feel better, that point me in the direction I truly want my life to go. Sing a song if you have to. Anything that gets your mind on a different track. But learn how to do this, and you can do anything.
The Law of Attraction states that anything we focus our attention (conscious or not) upon will manifest itself in our lives. It cares not if we truly want that thing or not.
Anyway, that is what is working for me. GAL is more than just getting out and trying to busy yourself--leaving your troubles behind. It's accepting reality for what it is, and choosing to find the happiness and peace within yourself regardless.
So that's it. It takes practice, and I'm sure I'll still have struggles with it. But it does work.
((Hugs)) and best of luck. Learn to love you, and what your H does will no longer matter--because you will be happy in the long run despite any outside circumstances.
