Quote: I am choosing to focus on thoughts that make me feel happy and in control, and that is how I’m feeling. It is what it is regardless of how much attention I give it.
Exactly what you should be doing.
Quote: I nailed down a new affirmation that gives me hope: "I am in a happy, fulfilling marriage with a loving, faithful, worthy man." I WILL have that. One way or another.
That is a great affirmation. You are a great person and you will get everything a great person deserves....
Take care and I am glad that you are in a really good place right now. Now it is your job to keep yourself there sista...
Take care, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Quote: I nailed down a new affirmation that gives me hope: "I am in a happy, fulfilling marriage with a loving, faithful, worthy man." I WILL have that. One way or another.
Good for you. That is what I have been confessing as well. 'My H will be home and my H will be a much stronger and wiser man when he does come home.'
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Okay. Know how I said I was aware of a possible something going on with his day trips? He was gone yesterday and called in the evening to say he was on his way back. I (pursuing—gotta stop that) invited him to visit when he arrived later. He said okay, and I just went back to caring for my responsibilities. By 11:30, no call, I just went to bed.
I needed him to watch the kids fairly early this morning so I could finish up most of the Christmas shopping. He said he’d be here by 9:00 a.m. At 9:30, I tried calling his cell, no answer. So I called his mother (that’s where he’s staying) and she thought he hadn’t come home at all last night (heart attack). She was up until 2:00 a.m. and he wasn’t home before then. When I asked her to check, he was there after all, and he came over and spent the entire day. He said he’d stopped at his office on the way home last night and got busy with some work projects.
Though he was here all day (that’s a big thing, and not taken lightly—we haven’t had that in awhile), he has been uber-distant. I am definitely getting a lot of practice on PMA…I’d say I get a 92% for the day. I didn’t say anything to him beyond polite/easy conversation and caught my thoughts often, tried to turn them away from the direction they were heading.
So here’s where I just get the worry out of my system and onto paper so I can let it go. I believe his story mostly. I realize that the nagging doubts are part of the aftermath of what we’ve been through. But the fact remains that he could EASILY be having a new R. And if he is, I’m not sure that puts me in stick-with-it territory, because this would be #3 (that I know of), and current circumstances considered, I think I would be dealing with something different than a good man who just made some mistakes.
There. It’s out of my head. I’m letting it go. I believe the truth will make itself known. Tomorrow is a new day. I will pick myself up and do the hard work. And no one will ever know I cried myself to sleep.
The weekend was a personal struggle for me. I put a lot of effort into working on my thoughts, and though it was kind of back-and-forth, I think I did an okay job. Overall, the sense of peace and lightness in my heart is winning out over the fear and anxiety.
H was a little more plugged in yesterday. I am grateful for what I DO have. That is where my focus needs to be. I keep jumping ahead of myself and wanting to work on this R—to fix it and know that everything’s going to be the way I want it to be, but perhaps for now, it’s more important for me to just stay calm, be grateful and happy, and let everything else follow.
Quote: I am grateful for what I DO have. That is where my focus needs to be. I keep jumping ahead of myself and wanting to work on this R—to fix it and know that everything’s going to be the way I want it to be, but perhaps for now, it’s more important for me to just stay calm, be grateful and happy, and let everything else follow.
I struggle with this very same thing! I too tend to jump ahead of myself and try to fix my R, and I have this vision of where I want my R to be. Though my vision tends to be more perfect, I know that I'll be just a happy if I achieved half of what my vision is!
You are 100% right in focusing on YOU, staying clam, being grateful and happy. There will be days when we backslide on these goals, but we can always get back on track! It's good to hear that you made it OK from this weekend!
I also need to be grateful for having what I have which is a family under the same roof, and for still sharing our bed with my beautiful but confused W!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I also need to be grateful for having what I have which is a family under the same roof, and for still sharing our bed with my beautiful but confused W!
Be very thankful for this. Some of us are trying to fight the battle with the H/W out of the house. That is the hardest thing because we know where they are.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I'm thankful that she is still at home, but more thankful that she's carrying on like nothing was seriously wrong with our M (even though I know this is an issue), and that my family is still intact. There are a lot of factors for this, but I'm not going to analyze any of it. I want to keep things simple and work on our R more. There are days that I backslide or get emotional, and all I can do is pray that I can win her over.
I have a lot to be thankful for, even though my W might think otherwise! I can only imagine what other H/W's are going through.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Quote: I keep jumping ahead of myself and wanting to work on this R—to fix it and know that everything’s going to be the way I want it to be, but perhaps for now, it’s more important for me to just stay calm, be grateful and happy, and let everything else follow.
You forgot one little thing here. Work on "YOU" and let everything else follow. Remember this is all about you now. Stay positive and take care of you and those little ones. That is all we have right now in our sitch's, Ourselves and our Kids.
Glad to see you had a decient weekend AUD.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Thanks O--you're right. I left it out, but focusing on ME is how I stay calm, centered and grateful.
It's funny. In our last R talk last week (I know--weak moment...it never ends right), I made the comment that I fear that I'm doing things wrong, to which H said, "Why is it always about You?"
Because it is. And for him, it's all about him.
Thanks for checking in on me--I'm glad you had a nice evening with your kids over the weekend. Sorry everything else is so crazy.
Quote: I made the comment that I fear that I'm doing things wrong
They say that if it does not feel right or it feels uncomfortable then it is probably the right thing to do. At least in our sitch's.
As far as H comments go. You are right. It is all about you right now. H choice not to be part of your life right now so screw it. That is somthing that he has to live with right now. You just need to keep your chin up and keep detatching. Quit the dang R talk. You know this but you keep getting sucked into it. That is soley your fault and now one elses.
DETATCH DETATCH DETATCH
Take care and keep your chin up sista.. O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
