Okay. Know how I said I was aware of a possible something going on with his day trips? He was gone yesterday and called in the evening to say he was on his way back. I (pursuing—gotta stop that) invited him to visit when he arrived later. He said okay, and I just went back to caring for my responsibilities. By 11:30, no call, I just went to bed.
I needed him to watch the kids fairly early this morning so I could finish up most of the Christmas shopping. He said he’d be here by 9:00 a.m. At 9:30, I tried calling his cell, no answer. So I called his mother (that’s where he’s staying) and she thought he hadn’t come home at all last night (heart attack). She was up until 2:00 a.m. and he wasn’t home before then. When I asked her to check, he was there after all, and he came over and spent the entire day. He said he’d stopped at his office on the way home last night and got busy with some work projects.
Though he was here all day (that’s a big thing, and not taken lightly—we haven’t had that in awhile), he has been uber-distant. I am definitely getting a lot of practice on PMA…I’d say I get a 92% for the day. I didn’t say anything to him beyond polite/easy conversation and caught my thoughts often, tried to turn them away from the direction they were heading.
So here’s where I just get the worry out of my system and onto paper so I can let it go. I believe his story mostly. I realize that the nagging doubts are part of the aftermath of what we’ve been through. But the fact remains that he could EASILY be having a new R. And if he is, I’m not sure that puts me in stick-with-it territory, because this would be #3 (that I know of), and current circumstances considered, I think I would be dealing with something different than a good man who just made some mistakes.
There. It’s out of my head. I’m letting it go. I believe the truth will make itself known. Tomorrow is a new day. I will pick myself up and do the hard work. And no one will ever know I cried myself to sleep.
