Thanks TL--I appreciate your input...so here we go:
GAL/expectations: I know you're right on this one. I'm getting better at this--trying to keep expectations low and not set myself up for disappointment. Obviously I'm not perfect at it yet, but I'm just gonna dust myself off and get back to it.
Counseling: We haven't been to MC since just prior to bomb. At one point (within days of bomb) he said he'd go back when he was ready, but since has reverted to his original position that counseling will just push him further away and do more harm than good. My gut says it's his way of protecting the wall he hides behind, but I'm not going to push it. I'm not sure the counselor we were seeing was a good fit anyway. For me individually, I think I'm getting all the help I need here on this board. I've also done some DB phone counseling.
What would get his attention?: This is where I feel like I'm staring at a wall. I have done 90% of the pursuing in this R. We dated for 6 years before M, and he didn't have to work very hard to keep me around. (According to him, he didn't have to pursue OW either...for what that's worth.)
The only thing that comes to mind is that in a lot of ways, he is more quick to observe than I...he notices surroundings and seems to just "get" what people around him are feeling. I know that he is pretty clear on how I feel without me having to say it (granted, I am an open book--I have NO guile). In some ways, I feel that I don't truly know him, and that he doesn't really want me to.
All I have come up with thus far is to GAL...show him that I can be independent and happy and confident with or without him. But to say that this would get his attention? Not sure.
I will put a lot of thought to this--see if I can have a better answer by morning.
