Today has been both good and bad. Good in that I do feel stronger in my detachment, capable of handling most things on my own, and happy in my own skin. I think that I am a pretty dang good catch.
The day has been bad in the respect that we had H's extended family Christmas party today...I did all the prep, got everyone ready, picked him up. He was pleasant, I was pleasant but distant--he did notice that, I guess that's a plus--but I didn't do a grand job of acting all happy/bubbly.
I just kept noticing all the ways he is not trying to pursue me...I know I need to focus on positives, and there are many, but UGH. I want to REALLY BE WANTED. Respected. Cherished.
Have I ever mentioned that one of his favorite pet names for me is "ball and chain"? As IF--I've always let him do/have whatever he wants, tried to be supportive and loving, soft-spoken. And he's walked all over me.
When we parted this evening, he did say he'd come over later to spend some time with me. Sigh. Maybe I'm just slowly going crazy.
