Okay, can y'all see how impatient I am? I was just re-reading a post by Mama...on the Passionate Marriage book, and she pretty much answers today's questions here:
Quote: * Forget about "working on your relationship" or the idea that "the relationship is the problem. When people say "I'm not getting what I want out of our relationship, " often the real issue is that they are not getting what they want out of themselves in their marriage. When they get what they want from themselves, they generally like thier relationship more...When you work on yourself you're working on your marriage - because when you change, your relationship changes.
*Stop focusing on what your partner is (or isn't) doing. Focus on yourself....examining one's part in an interpersonal conflict takes the pressure off the partner and demonstrates courage, fairness, and goodwill that the partner will hopefully emulate...focusing on yourself increases the pressure on your partner to change.
*Stop trying to change your partner....If your partner thinks you're trying to drag him forward into your version of happiness and a better life, you make it safe for him to "dig in his heels" and remain complacent or resistant. When you stop pressuring your partner to change, it pushes you to clarify what you want and what you are willing to do to get it.
*For solutions, look in different directions from where you've looked in the past.
*Stop trying to make your partner listen, accept and validate you. Listen to yourself.
*Keep your mouth shut about your partner's issues - particularly concerning things you're certain are true.
