S.O.S. I'm drowning and need a hand

[toughlover]

tonight I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m doing everything wrong

I still get those feelings. Just remember...don't allow those feelings to dictate your behavior.

I mean, I’m not just supposed to pretend that his affairs never happened, am I

I think that depends. Again, my opinion. It's going to be tough for a while and probably take longer than you think it should. If your husband is willing to be honest with you while at the same time committing 100% to your M and working things out, then over time it will be less of an issue and, yes, if in good faith he doesn't pursue contact with OP and does what is reasonable to reassure you, then you will need to get past it on your own as well. It's a real part of your marriage's history, but as long as it IS history, in the past, then you need your present and future to be about you two and your family, not that crap.

I can tell you that things in my sitch didn't get much better until I began to truly let that go. It still crops up from time to time, and I usually deal with it pretty well on my own.