After a long weekend away with my H, I feel so confused. We had a great time, just being together and enjoying each other. We left all of the R turmoil at home (with a tiny hiccup here and there).
Although the weekend was a success, tonight I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m doing everything wrong. I don’t know how to combine the DB principles with the need to work things out—I mean, I’m not just supposed to pretend that his affairs never happened, am I? I don’t know how to work it out without him feeling like I’m hanging it over his head, which pushes him away. He’s willing to answer my questions, as long as they’re asked in a calm, non-accusing way, but I really don’t know if I can trust his answers. Everything is so vague and muddy, and I feel like I’m in a tug of war between his positive actions of the past several weeks and the hell of his actions over the past three years..
I am so afraid that our relationship is just going to slip back into the same familiar patterns and he’ll drift away and betray me again.
How do I let go of this? Where do I draw the line? How do I take care of myself when I feel so lost and scared? How do we heal?
