During our years long dance of anger we had two steps going. I would take my frustrations, fears, irritations, slights-whatever- and internalize the anger. I described myself as a pot on the stove that would always finally reach the boiling point and spill out, leaving a mess but empty of anger. I always felt better after a blow up. My H was the kind who would gather his bits of anger which were preceded by hurt, insults, fear--whatever--and then stuff that anger deep inside himself. At some point he would have what they call "flooding" and yell and scream. He channelled that energy into acting. He was very very good w his acting.
We bought a study guide that had to deal w handling anger and "fighting" in a healthy manner.
I suggest you spend some time at a book store and find a interpersonal communication guide plus something for anger. Nigel (newcomers) has good stuff re anger management.
We jokinly refer to our cyber roll of duct tape which is good for making us just shut-up around our Hs sometimes. Really, sometimes a powerful 180 is too just keep our mouths closed when before we would talk and talk.
I wish you luck as you and your husband bring your dance into balanced choreography. I wish my H and I had taken lessons long ago.
