The wheels are turning and X is being eaten alive by her deteriorating relationship with her new hubby. She still admits to being in Love with him or better put, addicted to him but realizes that there is more bad than good and it's time to get out. Abandoning her new life and yet again loosing 1/2 her possessions and money is tormenting her beyond belief. All this coupled together with no direction in her life she is one lost soul. There was a time when part of me would have given a snide "told you so" snicker and said you got what you deserve. But now, hearing her pain and torment, even if it's not over me still hurts me greatly.
S16 and I are going down with the van on winter vacation from school, renting a trailer and bringing her home, unless she changes her mind again in the next month. Then the real hard part will begin. I have a bad feeling her grieving process and recovery from a complete loss of self esteem from all this is going to be a very long and painful process. But I Love her and my family and I'm ready and willing to make it happen. I think maybe I'll go back and see my own IC a few times as I am entering into unknown places and could probably benefit from some of his knowledge and unbiased views on what is going on.
TPPPL to all, DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Good grief. She's already throwing in the towel? She is really quite a mess and to be honest I think she needs to fall flat on her face. Did she request that you specifically go to help her move? I'm not so sure I'd be willing to do that, but it's your decision to make. Good luck.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Not only fell flat on her face but pushed there and ground into the dirt. He is an abusive man which everyone else not in a fog knew about and could see. He turned on the charm when she felt our marriage was going know where and fell for his BS.
No she didn't ask me to come get her directly. Only by saying how was she going to make it happen knowing full well I would do anything for her. And that's OK as I am far above the fog and weighing all the possible outcomes of this. Maybe after all this I will loose her again and I'm OK with that. I'm not doing anything less than I would do for any other loved member of my family if they needed help. It's my way of life and my code of conduct that I live by.
Long road ahead and I know it ! But isn't that why we are all here and not out looking for other partners ?
Peace ! From the guy who is ready to fight ! DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
I'll try to crunch this... Had it all arranged to go get xw in SC on the 19th. Oh did things change. She ended up in a verbal and physical altercation with om and got injured. Her girlfriend called the police and he got arrested. In the middle of all this she called me and said "Let's Roll". I was already on the way. We loaded as much as we could in 2 vehicles and a trailer and headed back. She is now living in the spare bedroom and things are strange to say the least.
She has seen an IC twice already and going back for more. Spends most of the time out with her "friends" but has taken on many of the household chores when she is here. I do not pry into her life or ask her where she is or what she is doing. I do try and include her in my life which of course she is not really anywhere near ready for. She has been very honest with me about her feelings for her other husband which she admits she still loves him and is addicted to him. She has spent the last few days finding many other women who had relationships with her husband in the past and discovered the horror stories that have repeated themselves many times of physical and mental abuse.
In the mean time I try and keep up my PMA which is very difficult to do when the person you love still admits to being in love with an abuser.
She calls in and tells me where she is and who she is with when she is out. Prefaces the conversation by saying "I don't know why I am doing this but felt the need to." I just say thank you for letting me know your alright and it's always good for someone to know where you are.
We were going to church together this morning but it's 8:10 and she is still in bed. I am not going to be her watchdog and wake her up. I made enough noise out here to wake the dead and still haven't seen her. She accepted my invitation to the sportsmans show today which we were going to after church, who knows about that... I'm going with or without her. I need a little diversion to shift the focus for a while.
So if you thought the road with them gone was difficult, think again. The real work begins when they get back. I'm not complaining by the way, "Just the facts mam, just the facts."
First step back has been taken ! Many, many more to go......
DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Well xw has been here a little over 3 weeks and she is very much a mess. Kinda of like a fish flopping around out of water. She has so many choices and decisions to make that it is overwhelming her. She vents to me on a regular basis which I have told her many times I was here for her and would listen. She still feels guilty about dumping on me though. She constantly comments on "being in limbo" with her life. Her husbands court date is on the 28th and she will not be there to testify against him at this point unless they serve her with a summons to appear so she doesn't have a choice.
She is getting IC on a weekly basis and it's to early to tell if it will have any positive effect on her life. She tells me every now and then about all the bad things she has done and needs to tell me about them someday but still can't bring herself to tell me. My only comment was "the truth shall set you free". I believe it was somewhat hurtful to her as she commented that she had heard that from other people as well.
She tells me she has a girlfriend coming up from SC to spend the weekend with her in Boston and will be gone all next weekend. Of course all I envision is another man and her revisiting her replay behavior yet again. Of course I am her "friend" and not her husband so I must keep my suspicions and insecurities to myself. Some old feelings and emotions are still hard to let go of.
She still has not spoken to one of her brothers as he refuses to see her because of what she did. She also has not seen or spoken to anyone in my family as she is deathly afraid of their judgments on her behavior and how they will treat her. Yes there are still many more bullets to fly and hopefully dodge.
Out of the blue she did ask one day about my life and if I had dated while she was gone. I was truthful with her and told her I had been out with 2 women and my heart wasn't really in it. That I still had feelings for her and wasn't interested in other women and would rather go fishing than go out on a date ;-)
She does speak of some longer range plans like she is going to stay around like planting a garden, swimming in the pool, working on the property, using the boat and going fishing with me, etc. But then in the next breath she will talk of moving out and living on her own to "find out who she is". All I say to her is that she is welcome to stay here but you need to do whatever is best for you to find some peace in your life.... In the mean time she has unpacked all her belongings and integrated them back into the house. Of course she still has "her room" which is her sanctuary which I don't trespass on unless I'm invited. I haven't snooped on her at all and don't have any plans of ever doing so again. I leave everything I have completely in the open, my wallet, my checkbook, my journals, etc. I even told her she was welcome to read them if she wanted but I didn't feel she was at a point in her life where she could look at them objectively.
Got company gotta run........ DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
