I didn't expect quite so many responses. This was all a very personal decision and I didn't reach it without falling into many of the pitfalls along the way. I too felt terribly lonely and attempted dating a few times but it never felt right. I went to church allot and spent many hours alone by the water thinking and journaling. It helped me to see what kind of person I really was and what my responsibility was in the whole mess. I accepted my share and sought and received forgiveness for my transgressions as I forgave her for hers.
Never have forgiven the other man, probably never will. I could use some colorful adjectives to describe him but lets just say he isn't a very nice person or a well person, (alcoholic).
I live my life as if she is still in it and important to me. Sometimes I email her for more than a dozen times before I get a response. Then the floodgates open and she (not the alien) comes forth. No begging, pleading, blaming, ILY's or anything like that. Just day to day stuff of the kids and my life.
If she had said stop I would have and waited. But she never did. Every situation is different. She could have met a great guy that would have loved her and been a great partner and I probably would have been out of luck. If you really want it all you can do is try. She still isn't home yet so I'm not counting my chickens yet but at least she knows she's wanted and will be treated with love and respect.
You must learn to become very observant almost clairvoyant to figure out how and when to make contact and what subjects to approach. They will let you know in their own way when their ready but you have to be ready and willing to see the signal and act on it. Just be there when they need you....
In the mean time there's plenty to do once you get over your loneliness and need for a member of the opposite sex in your life. I took up Bass fishing. Bought a used boat and go with my kids, brothers and Dad. We've had some great times and I believe it's part of the X wanting to come back and share in some of that. I send her pictures and stories of our adventures to let her know what she is missing.
I was a workaholic and that was one of my sins. Not as bad now and finding a way to balance the income with fun and the bills. Best part of it all I can look anybody square in the eye and be proud of what I've done and what kind of person I am. I sleep very well at night.
So good luck to you all and if you want to talk or email feel free and I will give you any support or help I can. I was in IC for about 2 years with a great counselor and he couldn't believe how I could maintain the attitude I had towards my X. Funny thing is I went to him seeking help on letting her go and in a way I did. But that's another long story........ Good Night All ! Oh I end all the letters to my X and other people I care about with this acronym : TPPPL.... Thoughts, Prayers, Patience, Perseverance, Love So, TPPPL, DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
