Focus on the Big Picture

[DavidA]

Hi Folks !
I've been going through this for 3 years now. I have a WAW who has been dealing with MLC for about 3 1/2 - 4 years. We will actually be divorced 2 years on Xmas eve. She remarried and moved to another state and is now planning on divorcing the other man because she is coming out of the tunnel and seeing what the rest of us could see many years ago. She says she is also coming back home to live in a spare bedroom no doubt to see what happens with us.

I have followed all the principles and suggestions of this group and I'm happy to say that they really do work, at least in my case. BUT, what is difficult to communicate to someone just starting this journey is how long and difficult a ride this is.

Sometimes reading the posts of those just starting out and the psycho analyzing of every word of our ailing spouses gives me great pain. Yes you will witness horrifying actions by your loved one that will cause you great pain to the very core of your being. BUT, you have to realize this IS going to happen and be prepared for it. Don't focus on the little painful details, FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE.

My ride is nowhere near over either. If things work out the way I would like them to it will probably be 2 or 3 more years before I can say it's over.

My X keeps asking why I am standing by her after all she has done to our family and me. I haven't answered her question yet other than to say I care about her and I am her friend and always will be no matter what.

It takes extreme loyalty, unconditional love and very thick skin to do this. Oh, and HUGE AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE ! Nothing about these kinds of situations happens quickly. Your friends and family will brand you as mentally ill for pursuing this course of action which makes it all even that more difficult to do.

So, Good Luck to you all and God Bless your journey. Remember: FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE.... DaveA