It just occurred to me that maybe all the problems in my marriage could be summed up by my belief/feeling that I am not "allowed" to be happy in this relationship because my H is an unhappy person. Which really means that my problems with this relationship are due to the fact that I let his level of unhappiness affect my emotional state too much both directly (he's bummed so I'm bummed)and indirectly (I become like a hamster on a hamster wheel working endlessly in an attempt to cheer him up). I need to realize that I can't let him control my emotional state and I shouldn't try to control his emotional state. This is as relevant to sex drive as it is to Christmas cheer. Though once again I am stuck with the conundrum of the fact that it is socially acceptable to build snow people and bake cookies with people other than your spouse but not to have sex. Hmmm.... the more I think about it the less this seems like a good rule.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
