Thought I'd come back to my own thread rather than continuing to blab all over the BB. Here is my current thought about my current mindset-LOL. I am feeling relatively LD for me and relatively happy because instead of being LD for sex or my relationship in my typical Type 7 sinking down to 6 fashion of feeling low self-esteem or misery or my alternative coping mechanism of using my Type 8 edge to feel angry enough to want to leave the relationship, I am using my Type 8 edge to make me feel sexually LD because I am not getting enough respect in the relationship. This way I can feel relatively happy or self-respecting by riding up towards 8 but not bothersomely high drive and not desperate to leave the relationship. Of course, this has the unfortunate effect of making my H very uncomfortable in the relationship because he would prefer it that I would stay in pursuit mode. Therefore, I need to work/feel my way towards a sort of balance where I am neither pursuing or avoiding but just sort of being available emotionally and sexually. The only way I know how to do this is to just tell myself that any feelings of over-excitement, boredom, misery or anger are a sign that I am on the wrong path and I need to figure out how I got there and backtrack until I'm more centered.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
