Value vs. Validation- Mojo's Grand Unified Theory

[MJontheMend]

When I stopped indentifying as the HD partner. I just stopped and he stepped up. It took nearly a year for our roles to solidify and shift but they seem to have done just that. The interesting thing is that our frequency is basically the same.

I am so glad you said this and Julie agreed with my pretzels and chocolate analogy because I think we are all in complete agreement with the only differences easily explained due to the differences in our personalities and our H's personalities or life experiences. I could say it even better by combining the analogy with what you said above. My situation took a turn for the better when I stopped identifying as the HD partner because I realized/accepted the fact that I like my pretzels better with chocolate (not to say that I don't like plain pretzels on occasion too . The fact that I couldn't acknowledge that I was looking for some chocolate covered pretzels ramped up both my drive for chocolate and my drive for pretzels. My problem wasn't that I like chocolate covered pretzels, most women do. My problem was that on some level I thought it was "wrong" to like chocolate-covered pretzels.

I think when you stop strongly identifying as either HD or LD then you can have more empathy for someone who is identifying otherwise. Sort of like an experienced mother who had babies of both the clingy and refuse to sit on your lap varieties could identify/empathize with someone with either kind of baby variety.

Corri has noted that the women on the BB of either ilk have been more likely to find success than the men. Perhaps this is due to the fact that women of either ilk are more able to ignore their biological desire one way or the other. LD women can "fake it 'til they make it" more readily then LD men and HDW can ignore their relatively low level feelings of physical arousal more easily. For me it's pretty much the equivalent of passing on the pretzels even if I'm a bit hungry because I would rather save my appetite for chocolate-covered pretzels. It's like your mother used to say "A man won't bring the chocolates if he can get the pretzels for free.". You just need to maintain confidence in the quality of your pretzels even if your H goes on a -free diet for Lent or seems to prefer the kind of pretzels they sell in plain wrappers behind the counter of the liquor store or is very, very picky about his pretzels etc. etc..(I'm sure I could come up with a pretzel analogy for the H of every HDW on this BB.). If you raise validation (raise the supply and lower the price of your pretzels) in reaction to lowered demand, you are just like a stockholder who buys high and sells low due to fear of losing big. You are having a natural human emotional reaction that is very stupid and counter-productive.

So a woman who is naturally LD is like a baker who just doesn't have any flour or salt at the moment and is being beseiged by a horde of hungry pretzel-eaters. A HDW who becomes more successful is like the baker in my small town who only sells pretzels on Saturday morning. The townfolk all line up to get those pretzels and they seem much more delicious due to the fact that you can only get them on Saturdays.