Quote: I think I'll know that I've finally really solved the problem or become completely differentiated when posting on this BB is neither helpful nor harmful to my situation.
I've come back here occassionally to vent or ask a question when I was having a rough day. Nothing wrong with that! I feel the draw less and less as time goes by. Occassionally, I lurk and rarely, I feel the urge to post. Your theory brought me out of lurkdom. Geek
As for being more differentiated - its a gradual curve. Being fully differentiated must be akin to achieving nirvana or something like that...I doubt I'll get there in this lifetime!
Honey, its interesting that you feel the HDW has to become LD in order to achieve success. I wouldn't put it that way, although it is effectively whats happened in my situation. Mojo's pretzel analogy explains it perfectly. Relative to H, I am LD for pretzels, but HD for chocolate covered pretzels. H and I are are probably equally desirous of chocolate outside the bedroom, although he prefers milk chocolate and I like dark chocolate.
This self-awareness has effectively led to me feeling and acting significantly LD compared to before. Because I know he wants the pretzels, I don't hold out for the chocolate covered ones. Everyone wins. I let him lead me, he leads with enough strength and desire to keep our sex life passionate and fun. Occassionally, I put out signals and he responds. On a few occasions, I brushed up against him at night innocently, he woke me up and fcked my brains out. Who knew we had this in us?
As for frequency, I don't even keep track anymore. We probably average 1-2x a week as always, but there are weeks when nothing happens and there are other weeks when we feed each other's desire and end up doing it 4 times or more. Sometimes, I see the feast-or-famine dynamic that you and Karen have talked about. It doesn't bother me in the least because if I do want to start something during a famine period, he reponds to me.
We are still working through other marital issues, but nothing seems insurmountable, kwim?
It was great chatting with you, girlfriends. I better stop before I start having too much fun here!
