Lil {{{Hugs}}} to you. I am feeling somewhat similar at the moment. I had a dream the other night that I think shows how I am feeling about our R. In the dream H had done some gardening (IRL he rarely touches the garden). I went out there all ready to load on the WOA only to find that he had pruned everything back so hard that there was no chance it would grow back. I was stuck standing there full of shock and anger and him like a little kid waiting to be given a pat on the back for his handiwork.

When I think about this dream I feel like I have been working hard to tend the marriage garden with no help from him, now we are at C and he is putting in some effort. But the effort is all wrong Like your BF and the pumpkin pie.

By Mojo's theory of not validating what you don't want, I am thinking that maybe you should not spoon naked in bed every night. That is validating that it is OK just to cuddle. You are so starved for physical affection that you grasp at this but maybe you shouldn't KWIM. Maybe you should try (and I know you will have tried in the past) to up the ante - when nothing happens get up out of the bed, put your PJs on and climb back in without cuddling up.

If he says anything just say - naked spooning makes me think about sex, I don't want to think about sex when I can't have it.

And maybe you should repeat it night after night. So he goes through a cycle of "mmmm this is nice" to "uh oh" to out in the cold.

Our pup is getting cheeky lately and has "forgotten" how to fetch his ball. He runs after it, then he brings it almost back, then he runs away with it. Encouraging him with treats doesn't often work, turning your back on him and walking back in the house works immediately. I think we get hopeful when our partners almost do what we want and we encourage them trying to coax them one step closer. Maybe that is the point at which we need to stop validating, to show them that almost is not good enough.

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong